Kirk and Kevin return to Tarsus IV (requested)
by CharactersSecretsExposed
Summary: The Enterprise is forced to make port at Tarsus IV after their ship is damaged in a meteorite storm. They encounter old places and old faces. Kevin is welcomed with opened arms but Jim is shunned for his Captaincy. What happens when his past is finally revealed? [Requested by Milkywaysupernova]
1. Meteorites

**I don't own the Character's/World of Star Trek. All rights and reserves go to the original creator of Star Trek.**

* * *

Kirk felt his mind wander into a daydream from the lack of action occurring on the bridge; he slumped leisurely in the captain's chair.

BANG!

He yelped in surprise as he felt himself being jerked from the chair, the world momentarily turned into a blur of colours and alarmed cries as he planted his heels into the floor to halt his forward motion. Kirk snapped his head towards the gold clad figure operating at the helm console.

'Mr. Sulu,' Kirk said, the unspoken question evident in the tone of his voice.

'It appears we've been struck by a meteorite Captain,' the helmsman replied.

'Why didn't our sensors pick it up?' Kirk demanded.

Before Sulu could reply, Kirk was jolted out of the captain's chair once again and a strange feeling of déjà vu overcame him.

'We're getting more hits!' Sulu warned.

'Meteors?' Kirk exclaimed incredulously, stumbling over to the helm console to confirm the Intel Sulu had been relaying to him.

BANG! BANG!

Kirk nearly lost his balance as inertia caused his body and feet to follow un-synced movement patterns.

'Major hull damage, Captain,' alerted a science officer.

'Sir, shields at 70%,'

_Must be bloody big meteors_ grumbled Kirk.

'Mr. Sulu take us into warp,' he ordered as he manoeuvred his way back to the captain's chair.

The helmsman quickly carried out Kirk's orders and within seconds they were travelling faster than light, leaving the meteorites far behind them.

WRRRRR

Kirk glanced down at the command console and accepted the incoming signal.

_Engineering to bridge!_

'Scotty,' Kirk greeted.

_Captain, engineering's in bad state she is – gotta whole lotta holes! If we don't get her fixed up soon, I kinna guarantee she'll last long_.

Kirk nodded to himself.

'Acknowledged,' he said before terminating the connection.

Kirk quickly ordered the _Enterprise_ to drop out of warp; the meteorites were no longer a threat and he didn't want to risk causing more damage to engineering.

'Mr. Sulu,' Kirk addressed the helmsman, 'set a course for the nearest planet with docking capabilities.'

'Aye, Captain,' he replied before activating the ships long-range scans.

Sulu's console alerted him to a planet that met the Captain's requirements and he squinted at the screen to make sure he was reading the name properly. Kirk noticed the moment of indecision.

'Is there a problem Mr. Sulu?' he asked.

Sulu's training kicked in as the captain's voice pulled him back to reality.

'Uh, no… no sir,' he reassured Kirk, 'setting a course for Tarsus IV.'

All officers present on the bridge turned to look at Sulu as he announced their destination – Kirk included. Everyone knew the horrors that had taken place on that planet and was understandably wary of the prospect of making port there.

'Mr. Sulu is that the only planet suitable for the repairs we need?' he asked, relieved his voice didn't break.

'No sir… but there is a possibility the ship might not stay stable long enough to make it to the next closest planet,' he informed.

For the briefest of moments Kirk was tempted to cheat fate, skip Tarsus IV and port at the next planet. But then he remembered his rank – he was Captain of a Starfleet ship, which at the present moment contained hundreds of innocent lives. By being too weak to face his fears, he would be potentially risking the lives those men and women. _The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few_; one of Spock's logical quotes that Kirk's eidetic memory had stored, spoke in his mind. Steeling himself – mentally – Kirk ignored his own needs and concentrated on the needs of his crew, his family.

'Very well… Set course for Tarsus IV,' he told Sulu.

Nodding, the helmsman turned to input the coordinates in his console before the _Enterprise_ altered her course and drew closer to the planet that was home to Kirk's nightmares.

* * *

By the next afternoon, the _Enterprise_ received her first glimpse of Tarsus IV. It had been a grueling wait for Kirk – travelling without the use of their warp drive, the journey had taken much longer than what he was used to.

'Captain,' Kirk turned to find Uhura standing by captain's chair.

'Something bugging you Uhura?' Kirk asked, noting the conflicting expressions present on her face.

'I was just wondering… is it wise to request help from Tarsus IV? After all, the families of the original colonists blame Starfleet for the Tarsus IV massacre,' she said.

Kirk regarded her statement thoughtfully.

'At this point, I don't think we have much of a choice,' he admitted.

Uhura looked as if she wanted to say more but curbed her tongue and nodded, understanding Kirk's remark. The pair looked up as the planet's surface filled the ship's viewscreen.

'Uhura, send a transmission requesting permission to port,' he said, keeping his eyes locked onto the viewscreen.

Kirk felt her move away from the captain's chair to carry out his orders. He breathed in deeply to calm his nerves as the _Enterprise_ awaited the planet's response. Soon – too soon – they were granted permission and docking the ship at the planet. Kirk turned to the youngest of the officers on the bridge.

'Chekov, prepare coordinates to beam me down to the planet's surface,' he said.

'Aye, keptin,' replied Chekov.

Kirk stood up from the captain's chair.

'Spock you have the conn,' he said, 'ensure that the crew stays on the ship until I return.'

'Yes Captain,' his first officer replied, 'may I inquire what you plan to accomplish on the planet?'

'I'm going to let them know that we come in peace incase they plan to attack us,' Kirk said briefly.

'If that it is your prediction, may I recommend you have an escort accompany you to the surface of the planet,' asked Spock.

Kirk rolled his eyes and slapped his friend on the shoulder.

'Relax Spock, I'm taking a friend with me,' he said.

The Vulcan merely cocked his head slightly at the captain's apparent ease. Unnerved by his gaze, Kirk rolled his eyes dramatically and turned to his communications officer.

'Lieutenant, you're coming with me to the surface,' he told Uhura, before facing his first officer once again.

'Happy?' he asked Spock.

Spock blinked, puzzled.

'As a Vulcan I am incapable of expressing such emotions,' he replied in monotone.

Kirk sighed in exasperation. Knowing that the exchange between Spock and himself could last a millennium, Kirk wisely chose to head towards the turbolift.

* * *

A young man sat in the corner of the ship's mess hall. His head was lowered; brown hair facing the occupants of the mess hall. The gold-clad officer was staring intently at his PADD, finger poised over the screen while his jaw worked mechanically to chew the food that was currently in his mouth.

*Beep-beep-beep-beep*

The officer jolted in his seat, his finger diverting considerably off-course from his PADD. In a reflex action, he attempted to swallow the large amount of food his mouth had been working on disbanding and paid the price for it – retching and choking for a few seconds until he managed to force the food down his throat. Fingers fumbling for his communicator, he flipped it open and answered the caller in-between coughs.

'Riley here,' the officer stated.

_Kev! It's me; meet me at the transporter room in 5_

Instantly, Kevin was alert. He smiled at his childhood nickname and the familiar voice.

'Yes, Captain,' he said before hurrying out of the mess hall, pausing in his exit to retrieve his PADD.

* * *

Kirk walked into the transporter room and was greeted by a grinning officer. The smile was infectious and Kirk found himself matching the expression.

'Hey Kev,' he greeted his friend.

Kevin's smile widened.

'Your awfully happy given the place we're going,' Kirk remarked.

Kevin shrugged.

'I was embarrassing last night when you announced our destination to the ship,' he confessed, 'you should've seen me; crying like a bloody baby I was.

Kirk snorted and Kevin shrugged indifferently.

'I got over it,' he argued, 'took 24 hours of mental battles to control myself but I guess I don't have to tell you'.

Kirk raised an eyebrow at his young friend. Kevin noticed his expression and rolled his eyes at his Captain.

'Oh come on,' he scoffed, 'like _you_ weren't messed up in your head last night too.'

Kirk shrugged to hide his guilt. He had in fact; gone through a couple of panic attacks last night but like Kevin, he had won the battle against his emotions.

'Captain,' greeted Uhura, walking into the transporter room.

'Lieutenant,' Kirk replied, flashing a winning smile towards the Starfleet officer.

Uhura merely rolled her eyes.

'Sir?'

An officer averted Kirk's attention to the transporters.

'Coordinates confirmed sir, ready to beam you down at your command,' informed the officer.

Kirk's heartbeat elevated and he felt a sudden surge of fear. He felt a hand on his arm and he turned to see Kevin smiling reassuredly at him. Kirk felt a surge of gratitude for his old friend and nodded surreptitiously. Uhura raised her eyebrow at the noticeable hesitation but remained silent and followed Kirk and the officer onto the transporter pads when they finally decided to move. Kirk stood on the transporter with Uhura and Kevin by his side.

'Energize.'


	2. Mob Morality

Kirk blinked as the last of the lights orbiting his body faded from existence. He breathed in the planet's oxygen as he gained his bearings. Beside him, Kevin was reacting similarly and both Starfleet officers simply stood where they had been beamed down; waiting for the realization of it all to sink in – they were back on Tarsus IV. Unconsciously, Kevin moved closer to his captain, seeking comfort amongst the memories that had engulfed him. Kirk glanced down at his old friend and gripped Kevin's arm until the young man met his gaze. A wordless understanding passed between them and Kevin nodded in response to the silent exchange. Uhura stood slightly to the left, scanning her eyes around their surroundings and gradually growing impatient when the other two officers remained unmoving. She cleared her throat to gain their attention.

'Shall we?' she asked, gesturing outwards.

Kirk pushed his thoughts aside and focused on the task at hand. He nodded his consent and walked forwards, Uhura and Kevin following closely behind.

* * *

WRRRRR

Spock glanced down at the command console.

_Kirk to Enterprise_

'Captain,' Spock said.

_It's safe to beam down; repairs are going to take a week, please notify the rest of the crew._

'Yes, Captain,' Spock replied, before relaying Kirk's message to the occupants of the _Enterprise_.

* * *

Kirk snapped his communicator shut as Uhura finished her discussion with an official from the planet.

'Did you tell Spock?' she asked.

Kirk nodded.

'Yeah, everyone should be beaming down pretty soon. Permission to be dismissed,' he told her.

Uhura smiled slightly and nodded her appreciation before wandering off towards the Enterprise, her thoughts obviously focused on its pointy-eared commander.

'It's so different,' Kevin breathed, his eyes drinking in the planet around them, 'it's like it never happened.'

Kirk took his eyes of Uhura and followed Kevin's line of gaze to the lush vegetation and neat rows of houses.

'Starfleet did a good job cleaning up,' he agreed, 'good thing too.'

Kevin nodded silently; he knew what Kirk was feeling. Kevin recognized the general landscape of the planet and maybe an odd tree here and there but besides that, his brain had trouble matching his fearful memories to this… paradise. It was even designed differently to the original Tarsus IV he had grown up on as a small boy.

'Do you want to look around, or go back to the ship?' Kirk asked.

Kevin's face morphed into determination. He refused to be restricted by his fear and the best place to trump it would be on the very planet he developed it from.

'I'll stay,' he told Kirk.

Kirk smiled and nodded in approval at his friend's bravery.

'I'll walk around with you for a few hours,' Kirk offered.

Kevin smiled gratefully at his friend, it was the two of them again – oldest and youngest – back on the planet and determined to brave whatever she threw at them. Kirk nodded and the two men instinctively headed towards the woods.

* * *

At the urging of the representative who had organized the 'peace keeping' terms with Kirk, he and Kevin were being doggy-guarded by two Tarsus IV security officers to ensure their 'safety' in the possible event of a violent confrontation. Kirk fidgeted impatiently as the guards steered them well away from the cover of the forest and into the more populated regions of the planet; which incidentally, was where majority of the colonists were present. _Safety my ass_ thought Kirk scornfully, _if you want to avoid a fight you stay away from the people who'll attack you_. Nonetheless, Kirk kept his mouth shut – they were treading on unstable ground after all. This wasn't Earth and the inhabitants of Tarsus viewed Starfleet as their bitter superior.

'Well would ya look at that – them fancy Starfleet officers need our help do they?' a colonist sneered.

'We give out help when you need it and you wait years till you help us!' a woman yelled.

Kirk sighed as the inevitable began. As much as he had first despised Starfleet for letting the situation on Tarsus IV reach disastrous levels, he still felt annoyance towards the people who were reprimanding him. After all, the possibility that they were relatives of the victims let alone the survivors of the massacre was pitifully meager. _Mob morality_ scoffed Kirk; you get one passionate protestor proclaiming their opinion and the next thing you know you've got a whole planet backing them up.

'My sister _died_ cause Starfleet wasn't bothered to give any thought towards an insignificant planet like Tarsus IV!' accused another protestor.

_And there's the family_ though Kirk. Oddly, the hecklers were beginning to make Kirk feel guilty and sympathetic. He made eye contact with Kevin and the younger man nodded slightly. Kirk stopped abruptly and walked over to the jeering crowd. Immediately, they fell silent as he approached. Kirk rapidly accessed the crowd and his gaze fell onto an elderly woman who had been taunting him along with the rest of the crowd. A section of the mob was standing beside her defensively and she appeared to be the only person in her age category amongst them. _Win her over and the rest of the crowd will follow… there's two sides to that coin of mob morality_.

'Ma'am,' greeted Kirk respectively.

The old lady snorted at his façade.

'Those manners don't fool me boy,' she hissed softly, 'fine man like yourself should know better than to join Starfleet.'

Kirk's mouth turned up slightly at the defiant attitude – though the smile never reached his eyes.

'Neither do yours ma'am,' he replied in the same cheerful tone, 'I'm curious though, why are you protesting against Starfleet?'

'Starfleet should've gotten here quicker, should've stopped Kodos before anyone else died,' she snapped.

'So I suppose you lost a love one to Kodos then?' inquired Kirk.

The woman's eyes narrowed.

'No,' she told him eventually, 'but family of not, none of those people deserved to die.'

'I know,' said Kirk much to the surprise of the mob, 'Starfleet should've reacted quicker but as it may be, neither I nor any of my crew that I know of were with Starfleet during such time.'

The geriatric pursed her lips thoughtfully and swept her eyes behind Kirk, avoiding eye contact. Kirk smiled at her warmly – after all, he had a considerable amount of practice in the department of seducing woman.

'Good day ma'am,' he told her before returning to where Kevin was waiting for him.

'Captain!' the occupants of the area turned towards the emotionless voice.

'Spock,' Kirk nodded.

'I can report that the _Enterprise_ is well on her way to repair, Mr. Scott is currently supervising the operation,' he informed.

The younger individuals in the crowd recognized the name of the Starfleet Flagship and quickly recalled her Captain – James T. Kirk. Whispers were exchanged and some blushed in embarrassment at their previous behavior. The remaining people of the group ignored the Kirk name and reputation, choosing instead to continue glaring at Kirk and his Starfleet uniform. Kirk glanced sideways at the crowd and noticed their restlessness – time to split.

'Thank you commander,' he said.

Spock nodded and retreated in the direction he had come from. Kirk inclined his head towards the crowd in farewell and continued the path he had been following earlier, Kevin and the two officers following in his wake.

* * *

The door to one of the numerous houses in the vicinity swung open to reveal a young man. His reddish-brown hair ruffled in the wind and he stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets, stiffening against the sudden breeze. A low rumble of noise could be heard in the distance and he curiously cocked his head towards its source as the noise grew in volume.

Shouting.

Yep, that was definitely it. The small staccato's in the volume of the clamor indicated a growing mob. Turning a corner, the young man sighted a noticeable mob. As he grew nearer, he could hear the details of the one sided yelling match.

'–_Fancy Starfleet officers need our help do they?'_

'_My sister died cause Starfleet…'_

The young man faltered in his stride, his mouth slightly agape before doubling his initial speed and making a beeline for the mob. Reaching the noisy scene, he shoved his way through the crowd, ducking elbows and angry protests. Squinting, he could make out the figures the crowd was rallying against through brief windows caused by the shifting bodies. His eyes widened as he snatched a glimpse that confirmed the crowd's earlier accusations. The un-mistakable gold of Starfleet uniforms reflected to his eyes and anger boiled within him. Determination set on his face, the young man fought against the ocean of limbs to claim a front-row seat. Un-expectantly, the crowd grew silent and the young man could barely hear the soft exchange between an elderly woman and the Starfleet Officer. He used the opportunity to delve deeper into the crowd and was rewarded with a clearer view. The Starfleet officer he had glimpsed earlier had apparently concluded his brief conversation for he was slowly walking back to another officer the young man hadn't noticed before. A cry caused the people surrounding him to turn in unison as a Vulcan science officer walked briskly towards the first Starfleet officer whom he had called 'Captain'. The second officer kept his distance in respect for the two men who appeared to be his two superiors. The young man peeled his eyes as he scrutinized the second officer. There was something vaguely familiar about his face, his memory attempted to retrieve the information he sought but it was his effort was like trying to run on soap covered plastic. The Starfleet officers broke off their brief confrontation and began to retreat from the crowd, the second officer following his Captain. Curiosity aroused, the young man began to struggle his way through the crowd again, following the familiar face. The second officer leveled with his Captain and the two began conversing. Snippets of their conversation reached the ears of their pursuer.

'Can't blame them…. They're absolutely right… Getting late…. Get an early dinner Kev?'

The young man froze in his tracks. The soap-covered plastic was wiped clean with a single word and he was able to reach and unlock his buried memory. Kev… the name sounded familiar…

The name of a friend from another life.

His eyes widened in surprise.


	3. Responsibilities

Kevin grinned as his friend rambled on about his misery of being apart from his beloved ship. The two security officers that had been shadowing the pair since their arrival had recently disappeared to return to their families and the two friends were finally able to converse freely.

'Kev?'

Kevin whipped his head around towards the voice. Kirk followed suit and a noticed a young man walked tentatively towards them. Kirk squinted thoughtfully; he could swear he knew the man who approaching them. Something about the youth's guarded stance and searching eyes tugged on Kirk's memory. Beside him, Kevin was thinking similarly.

'Yes…' he said carefully, 'do I know you?'

The stranger in front of them slowly broke into a disbelieving smile, his eyes began to water slightly and he took a few more paces towards them.

'Kev… J.T's right hand man, right?' he asked.

Kevin's mouth fell open a few centimeters.

'How do you know that?' he asked incredulously.

The stranger's smile grew wider.

'It's me, Luke' he said, 'J.T found me a week after you, remember?'

Kevin gave a half choke-half laugh.

'Ha! Yeah, yeah I do – wow! How you doing man?'

Luke laughed and embraced his friend.

'Great, I'm doing great, it's so good to see you,' he exclaimed, his head buried in his friend's shoulder.

After a few minutes, the friends stepped back. Kirk stood awkwardly to the side, his heart breaking at the sight of his old friends. Kevin seemed to remember his Captain, for he turned clasped Luke on the shoulder and turned to face Kirk.

'Luke, this is my old friend and Captain,' he introduced.

Luke smiled at the Starfleet officer, although nowhere near as warm as he had to Kevin. He offered his hand towards the stranger.

'Luke,' he said.

Kirk hesitated for a moment and then reached out to grasp the other man's hand.

'James Kirk,' he said hastily.

Kevin raised his eyebrow slightly at the unusual introduction. Kirk recognized his silent question but gave a barely discernable nod and Kevin remained silent. Luke scoffed slightly at the Captain.

'Kirk, huh?'

Kirk nodded his head but didn't elaborate, apparently sealing the matter. Luke shrugged and turned to Kevin, playfully punching him in the arm.

'So what's up with you? Walking around in fancy dancy Starfleet uniform, eh?'

Kevin smiled and shrugged.

'They're not so bad, you know. In a way, I can keep tabs on them – make sure they don't make another slip up like they did with Tarsus,' he told his friend.

Luke snorted at the explanation.

'Well, if your cool with it I guess I'm cool with it too,' he announced, 'so where you headed now?'

Kevin glanced sideways at Kirk.

'Kirk and I were going to see if we could get something to eat, you can come if you want,' he said.

Luke shook his head.

'Na, people here aren't too friendly with Starfleet – you're best coming with me, I'll take you to my place and we can have dinner there,'

Kevin turned to Kirk who shrugged.

'Sure, why not? Thanks Luke,' said Kevin.

Luke turned and walked back the way he came from, motioning with his hand.

'Come on then, you can bring your friend with you,' he said.

The two Starfleet officers followed the colonist, trailing slightly behind from the head start Luke had gotten.

'You're not going to tell him?' Kevin muttered quietly to Kirk.

'No,' Kirk murmured, 'at least not now, I think it's best if we keep it between us. I don't want the rest of the crew to find out, word spreads like wildfire.

Kevin nodded.

'Ok.'

[BREAK]

Kirk blearily dressed himself in his uniform. Half blind from the effects of sleep, he moved by instinct, moving his foot towards the approximate location of his pants leg. Stumbling over to the bathroom, he splashed his face with water and the cold chill was enough to wake him completely. He sighed and stared back at his miserable face in the mirror. Last night had been happy and sad. Happy because he got to spend time with two of his boys and sad because one of them had given him the 'cold-shoulder'. It was apparent that Luke still harbored spiteful hatred for Starfleet and anyone who worked for them – save for Kevin. Kirk – being a Captain – was what Luke had mentally classified as 'partially responsible' for the events that had happened on Tarsus even though Kirk hadn't been with Starfleet during the massacre.

Kirk retrieved his PADD and checked his schedule. Kevin was out with Luke, who was introducing him to the other survivors of the Tarsus IV massacre that had decided to stay on the planet. Kirk felt a wave of sadness pass over him but he quickly abolished it; he was a Starfleet Captain. The survivors would single him out to be the worst of his crew and refuse to meet his gaze let alone talk to him. He had responsibilities to perform and as such, he would be heading outside where repairs were being carried out so that Scotty could brief him.

[BREAK]

'Captain!'

Kirk cringed at his chief engineering officer's exasperated facial expression. _Best part of being Captain_ – _everyone complains to you_, thought Kirk sarcastically as Scotty let out the dam he had been suppressing.

'All the equipment an' materials on this planet are older than me great grandmother. It's completely unacceptable! Shoulda 'least been cared for, aye – but no! These 'colonists' have nae given a single thought to their machinery! I kinna work with this!'

Kirk sighed as Scotty continued his rant.

'Scotty, you do realize that these colonists _purposely_ keep outdated equipment,' said Kirk.

Scotty's eyes bored into his head, obviously unpleased with his answer.

'Can't you just... I don't know... Build newer equipment with the materials you already have?' Pleaded Kirk.

Scotty snorted in indignation

'On yeah, sure I can make highly advanced equipment materialize outta thin air!' he exclaimed sarcastically.

Something in his peripheral vision caught his eye and he whirled around until he spotted Keenser sitting atop a shuttle pod.

'You! Get down from there!' Scotty yelled at the alien.

Kirk raised his eyebrow; a very odd alien Keenser was. Scotty turned around to face Kirk again.

'So can you or can't you,' Kirk asked.

Scotty's brow furrowed.

'Given the resources we have, I'd say just barely,' Scotty said.

Kirk sighed in exasperation.

'Good! Why are you complaining to me for then?' he announced throwing his hands dramatically in the air.

'But the _equipment_,' Scotty began.

Kirk hastily made a tactical retreat, much to Scotty's annoyance. Only to be attacked by his communicator a few seconds later.

*Beep-beep-beep-beep*

'Kirk here,' he said.

_Captain._

'What can I do for you Spock?' asked Kirk.

_Officer Hendorff has been arrested by the Planet's security officers. _

'What!?' Kirk halted in his stride, 'what the hell did he do this time?' he demanded.

_He assaulted a colonist who verbally attacked his position as a Starfleet Officer._

Kirk groaned.

'Can't we just leave him in jail?' he asked hopefully.

_It is physically possible for you to do so, but logically unwise. _

'And you're telling me this because...?' said Kirk.

_Security has refused to grant Hendorff bail unless you - as his Starfleet Captain - intervene. _

Kirk sighed in exasperation.

'I'll be there in 10,' he grumbled.

_Thank you, Captain. _

Kirk flipped his communicator shut and began searching for the nearest exit.


	4. Initials

Kirk stared the wall opposite his bed. He could feel his exhaustion accumulating onto the gravitational pull of the planet. The wall began to move downwards, the ceiling entering his field of view. He was falling, falling… Thump! The perimeter of his bed rose slightly as the centre sunk downwards under the weight of Kirk's body. He exhaled and lay on his blankets, eyes locked onto the ceiling. Today had been a rough day; he'd listened to the perpetual complaints of an engineer, a long lecture from the Tarsus IV head of security, given a long lecture to a certain red-shirted Starfleet Officer and gone through a small mountain of reports. His thoughts wandered aimlessly until he recalled the previous evening at Luke's house. Oddly, his heart grew heavy and he felt ridiculously sorry for himself. He'd so badly wanted to talk to Luke – find out what had happened to him in their years apart and apologize for the lack of contact. But practically everyone on the planet loathed him as a result of his rank and the last thing he wanted was pity from his crew should they ever find out. When people pitied you they treated you differently, acted strangely and you could never really identify their real motive until it was too late. Kirk was strong-headed and guarded, from his traumatic childhood. It had been hard growing up; but that was what had molded him into the person he was today. Closing his eyes, those were the last thoughts that went through his head before his subconscious mind took over.

* * *

'C'mon, Kirk – what's the worst that can happen?' Kevin asked jokingly.

'For starters, everyone will find out who I was,' Kirk retorted.

Kevin rolled his eyes and punched his friend playfully.

'It'll be good for you. Anyway, I've already told them why you're coming,' Kevin grinned cheekily.

Kirk scoffed.

'Which is…?' he left the question hanging.

'It's my first time, I need moral support, you're my closest friend on the _Enterprise_ blah, blah, blah,' Kevin replied automatically.

Kirk snorted. Luke had invited Kevin to a 'get-together' with the rest of the Tarsus IV survivors. The first time Kevin nagged Kirk to come, Kirk had immediately compared the meeting to an, 'alcoholics anonymous' group counseling session. It turned out he was partially correct, many relatives of the victims who had died in the massacre attended the gathering and they used the opportunity to seek comfort amongst those who knew how they felt. Kevin had been begging Kirk to join him, assuming that Kirk would be able to find peace amongst some of the people he had saved – even if they didn't recognize him.

'Randy's might be going,' Kevin said to no one in particular.

Kirk felt his resistance waning. Randy had been one of the younger boys in his group and he'd asked Kevin to update him regularly on his friends wellbeing when Kevin had told Kirk that he was still on the planet.

'Fine!' Kirk finally exclaimed, giving up on the battle against his insisting friend.

Kevin grinned triumphantly and slapped Kirk on the back.

'Great! I'll go let Luke know,' he said.

Once again, Kirk felt an unusual heaviness in his heart at the mention of his old friend. Nevertheless, he plastered his trademark grin onto his face.

'You go do that. Unlike some people, I've got work to do,' he teased.

Kevin chuckled and waved goodbye as he headed towards the residential areas.

* * *

'This was a bad idea – a really, really bad idea,' muttered Kirk as Kevin led the way to the 'Tarsus counseling' rendezvous.

Kevin sniggered.

'It'll be nice to see everyone again, don't worry; you'll thank me later,' Kevin said confidently, to which Kirk snorted.

'We'll see,' he told Kevin sarcastically.

Allowing Kevin to steer him inside an open hall, he blanched at the sight of almost 50 people, sitting in small groups of 10. Kirk figured majority of them must be relatives of the victims.

'Hey, Kev!'

Luke walked over to the two Starfleet Officers, grinning at his old friend.

'Glad to see you could make it,' he said cheerfully.

Turning to Kirk, Luke's tone lost its pleasantness.

'Nice to see you supporting your friend, Captain,' he told Kirk.

Kirk nodded in response and glanced sideways at the numerous heads that had turned as soon as Luke had mentioned the word 'Captain'. _Probably on purpose thought _Kirk, it was obvious Luke wasn't all too happy with him accompanying his friend but for Kevin's sake, Luke was attempting to hide his feelings.

'Come on, you can join our group,' Luke said, motioning towards a cluster of people resting on chairs which had been arranged in a circle, 'Oh yeah, Randy says to tell you his sorry he couldn't make it; some crazy red-shirt has him holed up repairing the starship you came in.'

The colonists turned towards Kirk and Kevin as Luke led them towards the ring of chairs.

'Everyone, this is my good friend Kevin – he's one of the survivors from Tarsus IV,' Luke announced.

Instantly, the colonists warmed towards Kevin; beaming at him as if he were their old friend. Luke motioned vaguely towards Kirk.

'This here's Captain Kirk, he's come to provide moral support for Kevin,' he said.

Kirk's reception was noticeably less friendly. He and Kevin made their way to two vacant chairs. Luke noted that the pair were seated and turned to address the other colonists.

'Ok, sorry for the interruption folks – where did we leave off?' he asked.

A bearded man waggled his hand in the air. Luke inclined his head towards the man and gestured for him to continue.

'Well, like I was saying. I'm Allen, one of the survivors. I lost my parents in the massacre and my younger sister to one of the child soldiers,' he said.

The other people in the circle murmured sympathetically and those who could relate to Allen's emotions, nodded. Kirk sighed quietly. As much as he felt sadness for the older man's past, he had lived through the ordeal himself and to hear other people's stories was as if they were telling Kirk's his. Other people spoke; another man, a woman, a middle-aged couple. They all seemed to find comfort in hearing other people's experiences but Kirk's had been far more traumatic than theirs and he found little consolation in their recounts. Eventually, it was Luke's turn.

'Hey everyone, I'm Luke – one of the survivors, as you probably already know,' he began.

Luke drew in a deep breath and Kirk felt a twinge of sorrow. He knew what Luke had been through and he resisted the urge to embrace the other man.

'I was a kid when my parents were murdered in the massacre. I had no idea what to do – or what was happening – so I hid inside my closet for about a week, which is basically why Kodos' soldiers didn't find me,' he paused and swallowed.

'After a week, the hunger starts to overcome your sense of fear. I went out to find some food, but got activated a trap. My foot was stuck to the floor and I couldn't break free so I sat down and waited for the inevitable to happen. By some miracle, it was a survivor who found me – not a soldier. He took me under his wing and cared for me when no one else would… He's the only reason I'm alive today.'

Kirk's eyes were locked onto his feet. He blinked his eyes against the tears that had been released by his flood of memories.

'Who was your friend?' asked a woman tentatively.

Luke turned to the woman and gave her a small smile.

'He's name was J.T. Well; at least that was what we all called him – all the children he'd saved.'

Kirk continued to stare fiercely at his shoes. The other people in the group shifted slightly in their seats. Luke noticed the movement and smiled to himself.

'You've probably heard of him before and I can tell you first hand that everything that's been said about him is true. Many of the other kids in our group had lost their parents and in a way, _he_ was our surrogate dad. He'd risk his life stealing food for us and was pretty darn smart at outwitting the soldiers.'

Luke chuckled.

'Yeah, J.T was our leader. I don't think I ever knew his real name. One of the older kids that had lived in his street said he'd heard him being called 'Jimmy', though we never really could be sure – he never told us his name either.'

To Kirk's surprise and horror, one of the colonists turned rather deliberately to him.

'Hey, aren't you suppose to be the famous Captain Kirk? Something like J.T.K for initials right?'

Kirk's head snapped up, his shoes long forgotten. The entire group was staring at him although Luke remained docile – lost in his thoughts.

'Na, it's not him. His first name's James,' Luke told the group distractively.

Kirk breathed out silently in relief as the colonists slumped casually into their seats again. He snuck a glance sideways and caught Kevin staring at him, Kirk shrugged slightly at his friend and Kevin smiled sympathetically. The rest of the meeting flew by relatively quickly and Kirk stood to the side as Kevin was conversed with numerous strangers. Kirk's eyes moved constantly, darting back and forth, assessing and analyzing each person and their character. Luke was standing a few metres to his right, staring out through the doorway with a sad expression clouding his face. Kirk's heart went out to his friend who had no idea that the very person he had spoken about with so much admiration, was standing in the very same room. One day, Kirk promised himself, he'd talk to Luke and tell him the truth… but not today.


	5. Jim

Anxious, happy and sad; those were the emotions that were swarming inside Kirk, blending his breakfast together in his stomach and making him feel slightly queasy. The cement under his feet disappeared and was replaced by buzz cut grass. Another 5 minutes and Kirk could hear methodical crunching rising from beneath his feet. The dry leaves were soon soaked in moisture as he and Kevin hiked deeper into the forest. By habit, Kirk flicked a gaze behind him; wary of the two uniforms that had escorted them on their first day on the planet. As the pair neared the heart of the forest, they turned slightly eastwards and were soon in familiar territory.

'There,' Kevin pointed to a familiar copse of trees.

The undergrowth had grown unchecked over the years of negligence and the two men spent a good 10 minutes forcing their way through the dense jungle. The trees soon thinned out until they found their path blocked by what resembled a giant pile of rocks.

'Home, sweet home,' muttered Kirk as he stared at a telltale dent in one of the boulders.

Kevin chucked a grin at his older accomplice and scrambled up to the dent, moments later he disappeared. Kirk followed suit, his feet and hands moving instinctively as he trekked up the boulders. Nearing the dent, it grew bigger until it resembled a small entrance. Crouching, Kirk squeezed through the gap. Kevin was waiting for him inside with childlike joy on his face.

'I can't believe it's still here,' Kirk said in hushed tones.

To a stranger, it would appear that the pair was standing in a bare, cramped cave. But for the two friends, they could recognize the corner they slept in as boys, the slightly elevated section of the floor where stories were exchanged and a small indent in the wall that stored whatever meager supplies they would manage to attain.

'Lucky for us,' Kevin said solemnly.

The two friends stood there for a few minutes, reminiscing on the rare happy memories that came from their hideout. Eventually, Kirk sighed and indicated to the exit.

'Better head back,' he said, 'don't want the locals to wonder what we were doing out in the forest so late.'

Kevin nodded in agreement. The two men clambered outside and climbed down to ground level.

'Kev?'

The two Starfleet officers turned to the voice, feeling slightly guilty at being caught for no apparent reason. Then Kevin recognized the speaker.

'Luke,' he sighed in relief, 'What're you doing here?'

Luke glanced warily at Kirk.

'Randy wanted to visit the cave again,' he motioned to his companion; a lanky boy with sandy hair waved in greeting to Kevin.

'Oh,' Kevin said, 'uh, hey how you doing?'

Randy shrugged.

'Busy I guess, your Starfleet friend is treating the repairs like surgery,' he snorted, 'me and the rest of the boys have half a mind to knock him out and fix the ship ourselves.'

Kevin smiled and shrugged apologetically.

'Yeah, Scotty can get a bit flustered. He mean's well though – best engineer I know.'

Luke cocked his head to the side and looked at Kirk.

'Say, aren't you the Captain? Giving Kevin some more moral support then are you?' he asked disbelievingly.

'I was just showing him the cave,' Kevin said quickly, 'it's ok, Kirk's a great friend – I'd trust him with my life.'

Luke raised an eyebrow at the proclamation and looked over at Kirk who had become extremely emotional unstable since he'd seen Randy. Kirk noticed Luke's untrusting expression and sighed inwardly. This was ridiculous – Luke had marked him an enemy purely because he was a Starfleet Captain. Kirk so badly wanted to talk with Luke, spend time with him and Randy. Luke obviously wasn't going to make the first move, so Kirk did.

'Kevin's one of my oldest friends,' he said quietly to Luke, 'I know what he's been through and I can swear to you that I was _not_ with Starfleet during the Tarsus IV massacre. In fact, I hated them – but I got over my feelings and forgave them for their incompetence.'

Luke blinked, unsure of how to respond.

'The real question,' said Kirk deliberately, 'is, can you?'

He looked Luke in the eyes, drilling his gaze into the younger man's head.

'Can you forgive me, for something that I was never responsible for – something I had no control over?'

Luke gulped.

'I-I guess I owe you an apology Captain Kirk – for the unreasonable way I have been treating you,' he said shamefacedly.

Immediately, Kirk changed character.

'Good to hear it,' he said cheerily.

Kirk turned to Randy and his heart swelled with compassion.

'Nice to meet you, James Kirk,' he offered his hand to the younger man.

Randy grinned and accepted the gesture.

'Randy,' he said.

* * *

Kirk lounged contently on a wooden stool. He inhaled deeply and gazed fondly at the alcohol encased in his hand. Randy noticed his appreciation and grinned.

'Good stuff, yeah? That mix was made somewhere during the twentieth century – living on a planet with ancient resources has it's perks,' he declared.

Kirk grinned across the table at his old friend. After the awkward confrontation in the forest, Randy had suggested they cool it off at the local bar. Jumping at the opportunity to be in his familiar habitat, Kirk had readily agreed and the 4 men were now sitting around a circular table enjoying their various beverages.

'Jim!'

His name shattered the silence similarly to a rock disturbing the mirror-like surface of a lake. In unison Kevin, Randy and Luke jerked their heads towards the speaker – only Kirk remained in his hunched-back position.

'Jim Kirk!'

Bones voice rang out through the tiny pub, causing several onlookers to watch the irritated Starfleet officer curiously. Luke turned to Kirk, his face clouded with confusion.

'Jim?' he asked puzzled, 'I thought your name was James?'

Randy turned to scrutinize the Starfleet Captain as well and Kirk opened his mouth; ready to manipulate their thinking with a wild story he had conjured up in his head when Kevin wacked him lightly on the arm with the back of his hand.

'Hey,' he warned quietly, motioning behind Kirk.

Kirk twisted his head and caught sight of Bones storming towards their table - he'd found him. Quickly, he whipped back around and looked at Kevin exasperatedly.

'Do something,' he hissed, eyes pleading.

Kevin, knowing the doctors uncanny skill with the hypospray raised his eyebrow at his friend.

'_Oh_ no, I remember the last time I intervened,' he said.

Kirk glared at Kevin who merely shrugged; he'd take the captain's wrath over the doctor's any day.

'Dammit,' muttered Kirk.

Kirk swore he could feel the wooden floor heaving underneath him as the doctor reached their table.

'Jim!' he snapped his fingers in front of the captain's face.

Kirk threw one last glare at Kevin before morphing his face into unconcern. He turned lazily to his chief medical officer.

'Bones,' his voice dripped with false cheerfulness, 'what can I do for you?'

'You!' Bones stabbed his finger through the air towards Kirk, 'you were suppose to take your annual medical _yesterday_! On top of that, we're on a foreign planet and knowing you, you're probably allergic to every and any disease here!'

Kirk opened his mouth to protest but didn't get any further than that. Impatient, Bones didn't bother to listen to his friends numerous explanations and grabbed his Kirk's arm, manhandling him out of the chair.

'Come on! Let's go! You drink too much than what's good for you anyway,' grim-faced, Bones continued to drag a protesting Kirk out of the bar.

The number of curious faces watching the chief medical officer doubled since he'd first walked into the bar and they watched the two friends in amusement who had begun to resemble a parent dragging away their unwilling child. The trio sitting at the table watched the two Starfleet Officer's in silence until Kirk's complaining grew faint and distant. Luke turned quizzically to Kevin.

'Is his name Jim or James?'

* * *

The door to the sick bay slid open and James T. Kirk staggered out, a wild look in his eyes. Glancing east and west, he gathered his bearings before scrambling to the corridor of the left and breaking into a run.

'Jim!'

An angry looking doctor burst his way through the doors where the Captain had been standing moments earlier. He too, paused momentarily until he spotted a rapidly retreating command-gold shirt. Then he was sprinting as fast as his unseasoned legs would allow.

'Jim! I haven't finished your medical yet!' he yelled after the desperate figure.

'You already gave me all those damn vaccines – I don't need a check-up, I'm fine!'

'Dammit Jim! Slow down! I'm a doctor, not a marathon runner!'

'What? So you can plug me with another one of your bloody hypos again? I don't think so!' Kirk yelled over his shoulder.

The occupants of the winding hallway Kirk and Bones were racing down, exclaimed in surprise and hastily flattened themselves against the walls to avoid being trampled. Kirk dodged the ones who were too slow and took a right turn; determined to loose the doctor.

He hated hospitals.

After he'd been rescued from Tarsus IV he'd spent nearly a year in a hospital – doctors constantly poking and prodding him, blacking out every day or so and incapable of performing even the simplest actions. Noticing a familiar door, he skidded to a stop and hastily performed the necessary actions to open the door to his room. Clambering inside, the door slid shut – effectively sealing off the angry yelling of one pissed off doctor.


	6. Macbeth

Kirk eyed his surroundings warily. The first feeble rays of sunlight were poking out from above the horizon and all the vegetation was decorated with a coat of dew. Kirk had managed to sneak of the ship without alerting his escape to Bones but couldn't shake off the feeling of a presence, watching him. Breathing in the crisp morning air, he cleared his head from any doubts – his expectancy to see Bones crashing out from under the undergrowth was screwing with his head. Right now, what he needed was peace and the most improbable yet plausible place to find it would be back at the cave.

20 minutes later, he cleared the dense forest and entered into the cramped clearing between the rock face and the trees behind him. The usual tirade of memories flooded his head and instead of staunching the leak, he closed his eyes and let it flow; washing away any remnants of his responsibilities. The memories weren't all pleasant but the happy ones, he treasured.

'Meditating, are you?'

Kirk's eyes snapped open and he spun around towards the direction from which the voice had spoken. Luke was causally leaning against a tree a few metres away from Kirk. He pushed himself off the tree trunk and sauntered over to Kirk.

'If you were, then I'm sorry for interrupting you,' he said loosely.

Kirk blinked.

'Uh, no,' he said slowly, 'I wasn't meditating… I was just enjoying the sunlight,' he finished lamely.

Luke's mouth turned upwards slightly, apparently finding Kirk's excuse humorous.

'So what brings you here?' Kirk asked curiously.

'I came to apologize,' Luke said seriously, 'I never should have treated you with so much disrespect – in fact, I should've done just the opposite.'

Kirk rolled his eyes.

'Don't bother; I hate it when people respect me because of something my father did – not me. And Captain or not, I'm just as important as anyone else in this universe.'

Luke shrugged.

'I wasn't praising you for your Father's accomplishments nor referring to your rank as Captain,' he said vaguely.

He didn't elaborate and Kirk stood awkwardly, hoping that the uncomfortable silence would soon be broken.

'I never really did get to elaborate my story at that meeting,' Luke mused, he turned to Kirk, 'the one you attended, that is.'

'What did you leave out?' Kirk said, unsure of what else to reply with other than the obvious.

'Do remember, how I was talking about the boy who rescued me?' Luke asked.

'Yes…' Kirk said carefully, cautious about where this conversation was leading.

'Well. When I was afraid, he and I use to have this saying,' Luke began.

Kirk sighed inwardly and racked his brain for a way to leave the conversation without seeming rude.

'He had a brain of a genius – always talking with the intelligence of an adult. Adored Shakespeare too and I guess it rubbed off on us kids cause we'd always end up reciting Shakespeare too after our first week with him.'

Luke chuckled at the fond memory.

'Anyhow, like I was saying – he and I had this saying from Macbeth. If I was ever scared – and that happened a lot – I'd tell him, and he'd always reply back the same way.'

Kirk glanced sideways at Luke who was staring off into the distance, clearly lost in his memories.

'J.T was a hard person to forget. He had these startling blue eyes – like no colour I'd ever seen before… A bit like yours, Captain.'

Suddenly the younger man seemed to snap out of his trance like state. Kirk avoided eye contact; he may be able to conceal his true emotions with his face, but he'd never be able to hide it in his eyes.

'It's weird like that; you've got bright, blue eyes – just like J.T. And the same name too, unless Jim is a pseudonym and James is your actual name,' Luke said cheerily.

He scrutinized Kirk who was still refusing to meet his eyes. When the Starfleet Captain offered no comment, he shrugged and turned towards the forest.

'Thanks for listening,' he called over his shoulder.

Kirk whirled around and watched Luke approach the wall of trees. Before he reached them however, the younger man turned half around.

'As an old friend would say: If we should fail, Screw -,'

'Your courage to the sticking place, and we'll not fail,' Kirk finished.

Kevin grinned – the biggest smile Kirk had ever seen on his face.

'Aye, Lady Macbeth,' he acknowledged.

He turned to the forest again to hide the tears that were spilling down his face.

'I never once gave up, J.T – and neither did Randy,' he murmured.

Then he disappeared into the forest. Kirk made no move to follow his old friend, although he'd heard his last words and his heart swelled in compassion. _Randy_… Kirk's head cleared as he remembered his friend. Randy didn't know yet… Kirk felt a moment of indecision before angrily shaking it aside. Luke and Kevin already knew who he was – it wouldn't be fair to leave Randy in the dark and it was clear that Kirk should tell his friend himself. Squaring his shoulders in determination, Kirk walked into the welcoming arms of the forest.

* * *

Randy stood next to the memorial slab, which had been erected in honor of those who had not survived Tarsus IV. He stared sorrowfully at the names etched in the marble. A sixth sense warned him that an unidentified person was approaching and he whipped his head around, surprised to see the Starfleet Captain whom had made his acquaintance only yesterday.

'The memories never leave, do they,' Kirk said thoughtfully.

Randy returned his gaze to the marble slab.

'I guess not,' he said indifferently.

'Thinking of anyone in particular?' Kirk asked.

Randy hesitated, then mentally shrugged; it wouldn't be wise to reject a Starfleet Captain the answer to his question.

'A friend,' he said simply.

'Someone called J.T?'

Randy turned his head sharply towards Kirk.

'How did you know that?' he demanded.

'Luke saw me; he told me about the kid who took care of him. Since you two know each other I thought you were friends during the massacre,' he said easily.

Randy averted his eyes, and slowly turned back around – his eyes downcast.

'Yeah, but he's dead now,' he said sadly.

Kirk frowned slightly.

'Gone, maybe but I wouldn't say dead,' he said.

Randy rounded on Kirk.

'Look, if you're just here to make fun of my loss I can tell you straight out that I won't put up with it – Starfleet Captain or not,' he snarled.

'I'm not here to make you feel worse,' Kirk said carefully.

'Then why're you going around telling me my friend's not dead?' Kevin interrogated.

'Because he's not….' Kirk trailed off, unsure of what to say and how to tell Randy who he was.

Randy snorted.

'Why should I even believe you?' he asked.

'Because you did when you were a kid; you thought I was a soldier but I told you I wasn't and you believed me – just like that,' Kirk said softly.

'Wha-?' Randy began to say.

Then he froze – an early memory presenting itself to him.

'It's you,' Randy told Kirk in hushed tones. Tears streamed down his face and he began to laugh, 'it's really you.'

Kirk smiled and opened his mouth to reply but the air was knocked out of him as his old friend threw himself onto Kirk.

'It's me,' Kirk murmured as he hugged his long lost friend.

* * *

'I'd tell you I'd miss you but you probably already know that'.

Kirk smiled fondly at his old friend.

'Same here', Luke.

He glanced up as he felt the presence of two other friends. Grinning, Randy walked over to the pair, Riley following closely behind.

'I hope you don't mean to leave without saying goodbye to your long lost friend,' Randy winked at the Captain.

Kirk chuckled.

'Not a chance,' he said as he hugged his old friend.

'So you two gonna get yourselves lost in the universe, eh?' asked Luke.

Kevin grinned at Kirk.

'Yeah, something like that,' he said to Luke.

'Both of you should be going with us,' Kirk addressed the two colonists, 'I can be very persuasive; Starfleet Academy won't be able to say no'.

Luke chucked.

'Thanks J.T but I'm happy here; you reckon Starfleet aren't so bad and I say that Tarsus ain't so scary neither,' he winked at his old friend.

'Same here, thanks anyway,' Randy said.

Kirk nodded.

'I promise to stay in touch this time,' he told the two men, 'Kevin too'.

Kevin grinned and nodded

'We'll miss you,' he told his two friends.

'Likewise,' said Randy.

* * *

Kirk sat proudly in the Captain's chair. He smiled as he surveyed the familiar buzz of activity on the bridge. Entering Tarsus IV, he had been a man of conflict. Now he was a man of peace.

'Mr. Sulu, set course for original coordinates,' he said.

'Course laid in,' the helmsman replied.

'Warp 5,' Kirk ordered.

Sulu carried out the command.

'Punch it.'

* * *

**Please see the next Chapter on details about an Alternate Ending**


	7. Alternate Ending Announcement

As Saavikam69 has mentioned in their review; yes, I realise now that the story may not have reveal Kirk's secret as much as some people may like. Originally, I was only going to have his secret revealed to the two survivovs as a result of a writers block but now it see that it wasn't such a great idea. Hence, I will be writing a few more chapters as an ALTERNATIVE ENDING for this story where _everyone_ finds out about his past.

Please feel free to suggest anything you want to occur as the new ending so that I don't disappoint this time and I'll do my best to incorporate them all into the alternative ending.

sorry about the lame ending guys! Ill try my best to make the alternative better!

May take a while, since a)I've got a writers block for this ending and b)I'm writing 4 other stories and trying my best to post new chapters daily for them well.


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